But If Not
by particularly good finder
Summary: Katara and Zuko discuss the upcoming battle, and who might not survive. Pre-Sozin's Comet. Zutara if you squint.


**AN: I don't really like how this turned out, but I've had this scenario stuck in my head for so long I just had to write it down. This is sort of my take on why Katara froze during the Agni Kai and why Zuko was so quick to save her (besides the obvious 'a crazy chick is shootin' lightning at me' and 'oh hey my friend is in danger must save her honooooorrrr' and shit)**

* * *

It was a beautiful, sunny day in the Fire Nation, and Zuko was sulking indoors. Sozin's Comet was fast approaching, and everyone was outside – goofing off.

Well, not everyone. Katara had disappeared upstairs a while ago, claiming to be looking for a tea set. Zuko suspected she really just wanted to find the pictures of his younger self that he and Azula hadn't burned.

As he blew a piece of hair from his face, a loud crash echoed through the summer home. Immediately, Zuko was on his feet, and off to investigate.

He followed the direction of the noise, hands outstretched in a defensive stance. Outside, the others were laughing at something Sokka said.

As Zuko rounded the corner, he came upon a pile of broken dishes at the bottom of the stairs. Underneath the shards of pottery, both in pain and fuming, was Katara.

"Are you okay?" Zuko asked, rushing to he girl's side. Her hands were torn and bloody, and her ankle was swollen.

She turned to him, face red and angry. "Of course I'm not okay! The comet comes in a week and I've just gone and injured myself. How on earth am I supposed to protect everyone if I can't even walk?!"

At first, Zuko thought her anger was directed towards him. Though they'd been on better terms since facing Yon Rha – friends, even – there was a part of Zuko that feared he would never fully regain Katara's trust or care. But after noting the obvious flaw in the girl's logic, he realized she wasn't angry with him at all.

"You do remember that you're a healer, don't you?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow. Katara's cheeks deepened in their red color, but out of embarrassment, not fury. She bit her lip, and looked at the ground in shame.

"Could you get me some water, Zuko?" She asked, voice small and shaky. He brushed the ceramic shards from her dress and scooped her into his arms, heading towards the kitchen. She protested a bit, but seemed too anxious to put her heart into it. Zuko tried to ignore how light she was or how easily he could count her ribs.

The kitchen was Zuko's favorite place in the beach house, though he'd never admit it out loud (especially to Sokka). It was large and sunny and held memories of simpler days when his mother would make her grandmother's famous peach lemonade and Azula would sneak cakes from under the cook's nose. Now the room seemed dim, the memories faded and tarnished by years of pain and sadness.

Zuko set Katara on the counter next to the water basin, and set about washing the blood from her hands. She didn't even try to stop him, as wrapped up in worry and frustration as she was. The former prince didn't meet her eye as he asked, "What's got you so worked up?"

He expected screaming. He expected tears. He even expected a proud denial of any sort of fear or distraction. He did not, however, expect the defeated sigh that came from the waterbender's mouth.

"I'm just...tired, is all. I'm tired of waiting on the edge, living in the calm before the storm. I can't sleep. I feel sick. I just want to face the end already."

Setting the bloody rag he'd been using into the basin, Zuko frowned. "The end? You make it sound like we're all going to die next week."

She met his eyes, a sad smile on her lips. "Do you really think we'll _all_survive the battle, Zuko?"

Now Zuko was completely taken aback. What happened to Katara's unfailing optimism? "No. But I can hope."

Katara looked away, summoning the pink water from the basin to heal the cuts on her hands. "I just hope the spirits have listened to my prayers, and leave the others be."

She had moved on to her ankle, eyes still not meeting Zuko's. Zuko felt himself stiffen as something heavy and cold settled in the pit of his stomach.

"Do you...are you...are you saying you think you're going to die, Katara?"

The girl shrugged, bending the water back into the basin. "I'm just saying, if someone in the group has to die, I'm the best choice."

If there had been a candle nearby, the flame would have shot up to the ceiling at that moment and caught the house on fire. Zuko gripped the counter tightly and took a few breaths before asking (shouting), "WHAT?"

Katara fiddled with her hair, staring out the window to where the others were sparring in the courtyard. "Think about it, Zuko. If we win, you'll be the heir to the throne again, Sokka will be next in line to be Chief of our tribe, Suki will return to being leader of the Kyoshi warriors, Toph will go on to lead the world in an metalbending revolution, and Aang – well, he's Aang. He's sort of the most important person in the world. But me? I'm just Katara."

Before Zuko could protest, Katara continued. "I just have this horrible feeling that we're not all going to make it, and I just don't think I could live with myself if any of you died. I've been praying to Yue lately, and I can only hope she'll listen and keep the others safe, even if it means taking my life instead."

There was a squeal from outside – Suki's, Zuko noted – and some choice curses from Sokka as Aang and Toph ganged up on them with their team "mud-bending." Katara smiled.

"I just…everyone will be okay, even if I'm not there. Sokka has Suki. Toph can continue traveling with Aang. You'll go back home. Everyone will be okay. They have to be." Katara's words became watery, and she ducked her head to hide her eyes.

Zuko panicked. He couldn't deal with crying women to begin with, and this was something completely different. How did you convince your friend that they weren't going to die in war when they almost wanted to?

"Katara, no one...I mean, you can't think like that...please stop crying. You're not going to die. No one is."

The slender girl shook her head. "You can't promise that. War is about death, Zuko. When I left home, I always knew there was a chance I would die. And I always knew I would try my hardest to keep my brother and Aang alive. Same with Toph when she joined. Same with Haru and Teo and The Duke and Suki. Same with you." She wiped the tears from her eyes, looking more determined than before. "Everyone jokes that I'm the mother of the group, but there's a grain of truth in that. I feel protective of these kids – these brilliant, brave children. It's Aang's duty to end the war. It's my duty to protect everyone from the cruelty of it."

Katara looked out the window once more, and Zuko followed her gaze, watching as Sokka tackled Suki in a kiss, as Toph made some bitingly sarcastic comment, as Aang laughed. When he looked back at Katara, he panicked again at the sight of more tears on her cheeks.

"I'm just...scared, you know? When Yue gave her life to save the world, she was so calm about it, so determined. But I'm not Yue; I'm scared of death. I'm scared of leaving everyone behind. I'm scared of dying on a battlefield, surrounded by enemies, not friends. I...I've never been more scared in my life, Zuko." She sniffed, then added in a tiny, broken voice, "I just hope Mom is waiting for me on the other side. Then it wouldn't be so scary."

Zuko felt dizzy. Here was this girl, this tiny, adolescent girl, both accepting her death and secretly fearing it. How had he never seen the stress she was under before?

There were nights when he'd overhear Suki and Sokka talking. They often lamented Aang's age, and how awful it was that one so young should have such a large burden on his shoulders. Then Suki would whisper something about Toph, and Sokka would sigh, and say it was a tragedy that a little girl had been swept up in such an awful war.

They never mentioned Katara, and until this moment, Zuko had never thought on it. But he'd been chasing her for months, watching her turn from a scared child into a hardened warrior. She'd lost the roundness in her face and softness of body, now sporting widened hips and new muscles. She was growing older.

But she was still just a baby. She was still small and bony and much too young to be watching over so many. Zuko had the overwhelming urge to pull her into his arms and shield her from the world, but it was too late now. She'd faced death and war and learnt to fight and run and bend blood to her will. She was a grown woman in the body of a broken child soldier.

"Katara." She still watched her friends, her children, not meeting his eyes. "Katara, listen to me."

He grasped her chin and forced her to face him, trying to convey what he wanted to say in just a look. She wiped at her cheeks as he began to speak.

"You're not going to die, and especially not because you're 'unimportant'. You are very important, Katara, and I just won't let you die on us. It's your duty to protect the others, right?" She nodded. "Well, I'm making it my duty to protect you."

Katara tried to tell him off, and started saying something about how he had more important things to worry about than one little waterbender. Zuko sighed, and covered her mouth with his hand.

"I can't make a promise for every soldier who will fight in this war, but I can promise you this: when you're trying your damn hardest to watch everyone else's backs, I'll be watching yours. The six of us are going into battle, and the six of us are coming out, triumphant."

Katara gave him a small smile. "You know, I actually believed you there for a moment."

Zuko said nothing, but smiled back as he brushed away a stray tear that had trailed down the girl's chin. How could someone so fierce and formidable on the battlefield look so tiny and fragile in private?

"When this is all over, the six of us are going to come back here," Zuko said, turning so he was leaning against the counter shoulder-to-shoulder with Katara. "And we'll have ourselves a real vacation. No fighting, no worries. Just a group of friends enjoying being kids."

"Aang will like that," Katara mused. "And my brother."

"What about you?"

The waterbender placed her hand over Zuko's. "You and I haven't been kids for a long time."

He flipped his palm up to intertwine his fingers with Katara's. "Maybe we can try."

She smiled, more broadly this time. "Maybe."

"Sugar Queen! Sparky! Where'd you go?"

"Why is there blood on the floor?"

"ZUKO'S GONE EVIL AGAIN AND KIDNAPPED MY SISTER."

"I saw them in the kitchen, Sokka. Calm down."

"WAS HE DOING EVIL JERK BENDER THINGS TO HER? I THOUGHT HE WAS COOL NOW."

"I think they were talking, dear."

"Calm down, Snoozles, she's fine. I think they're having a moment."

"A moment? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Aang, when a boy and a girl love each other very much, or just think the other is really hot-"

"WHAT?"

Katara laughed, voice still a bit watery. Zuko let go of her hand, placing it instead on her shoulder.

"Better wipe your eyes, quick, or Sokka'll think I've gone evil again," Zuko deadpanned.

She did so, still giggling a little. When she looked back up into his eyes, her face was tear-free and sculpted into a perfect mask of contentment. "Thank you, Zuko," she said. "Really."

Standing on her tiptoes (was she always so short?), Katara pressed her lips to Zuko's cheek. The kiss was quick and chaste, and as soon as the girl pulled away, she left the room, probably to go clean up the broken dishes and console her brother. Zuko rubbed his cheek, lost in thought.

He'd considered the possibility of someone in the group dying, but he'd never thought it would be Katara. In all honesty, he'd always imagined himself as the unlucky soul, but that had been okay as long as the others went unharmed. Zuko never thought he wouldn't be the only one to think that way.

And much like Katara, Zuko wouldn't settle for any other result. Though they'd only recently accepted him into their group and their hearts, this little rag-tag band of child heroes had become his family. It would kill him to see any of them hurt, let alone killed.

Now he was doubly worried for Katara; she clearly was no longer looking out for her own safety. And that just wasn't acceptable.

Zuko wasn't good at being good. Sure, he was better suited for the throne than his father or sister, but just barely. There was no way someone as intrinsically _good_ and passionate and gentle as Katara could be less important than the boy who failed so often at doing the right thing.

In the end, Zuko wouldn't just be fighting for the freedom of the world – he'd be fighting to keep Katara alive, at all costs.

Just as this thought crossed his mind, Katara stuck her head back into the kitchen. "Hey, we're all sparring with Aang right now – you coming?"

Zuko nodded. "Of course."

He walked to where she was standing, then paused. She really was a tiny little thing. Out of nowhere, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the courtyard.

"It really is a beautiful day," she murmured, smiling up at the sky as they stepped outside. A soft breeze trailed through Zuko's hair.

"Yeah, a perfect day to prepare for war."

Katara gave him a sad smile, but didn't say anything. It didn't matter; he knew what she was thinking. _It could be the last beautiful day we ever see_.

"C'mon, the others are waiting," she said, walking towards the group of warriors. She had an air of confidence and optimism about her that was just so familiar; it was no wonder that no one had guessed what dark fears and hopes she had been harboring underneath.

But Zuko knew, and he wouldn't let her fool him again. Wordlessly, he followed after the waterbender, never letting go of her hand.


End file.
